Journey to Resurrection

JOURNEY OF MY LIFE

JOURNEY TO GOD

 

Utter silence – blinding winter sun

gentle breezes – hardly noticeable

surprising warmth for January

silent mystery!

In the distance – pounding sea – waves crashing in – wild

repeating noise – one right after the other.

Are these sounds of my life?  pounding?

 wildness?  no control?

Mystery of the pounding of the sea is the mystery of my life.

So many different currents – some dangerous –

others easy to swim in.

Utter silence of the day is utter silence of God –

the Beloved.

Crashing ocean cannot take away the silence of the Divine.

Stillness permeates all – it frames the noise - pounding sea –

frames the currents of my life.

How does it do it?  mystery?

Let me not ask too many questions!

Better – let me feel the Presence in the silence –

Presence of the Beloved.

Like the mysterious pounding of the sea,

my life pounds in mystery -

 

sometimes painful – other times with smiles.

Let the mystery be dark - dim –

Presence of my Beloved is there.

He will not leave me alone.

God hovers over all!

 

Robert Trabold

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JOURNEY TO RESURRECTION

Robert Trabold

 

            In our walking through life and in the years we have on earth, we do realize that our human existence is not our real home.  It is a home that has a beginning, middle and an end.  At times, we do not want to realize this nor face it. It is hard to face because we have to let go of our whole life on earth and move on to another existence. So this engenders fear within us and this prospect is full of mystery.  What is on the other side of our human journey? So we see that our physical life is delicate and temporary but if we are honest with ourselves, the fragility of this physical life is a symbol of also the fragility of our spiritual life. We are burdened with our humanity with its pride, selfishness and violence on the individual and social level. If we look at ourselves in the mirror and are honest, we must admit that it is a struggle in life to try to live in a positive way and not be dominated by our selfishness and pride that never goes away.  This is the human condition. It is incumbent upon ourselves to constantly keep in mind that we have to establish a real relationship with God who is the eternal spring in our life and constantly gives us the inspiration and strength to live in the way Jesus wants for us.  Scripture tells us that we are fragile vessels on earth and we have to become filled with the presence of the divine to overcome this fragility and live in a new life.

 

            Meditation is a powerful tool to help us put into focus this human condition we are in and to see how we can go beyond it. In our life, it is a challenge to come to grips with our humanity and selfishness and reach out to a loving relationship with God which offers us a way to go beyond our own fragility to a resurrection. Through the Christian gospel, we are now invited to this resurrection and rebirth, we do not have to wait until another day. Jesus invites us to die to our pride, self-importance and limitations. Our life does not have to be dominated by the weaknesses of our human existence. There is a way out. An example is Jesus’ life.  He died on the cross and also had his resurrection. Death did not have the final word and it is also a symbol of what is offered to us. Through the example of his life, Jesus invites us to go through our weaknesses and death and offers us a new life of communion and fraternity with God and other human beings in earth and in eternity. We cross over our own fear of our humanity and death to rise to a new life – an Easter Sunday for ourselves.

 

            When we sit down to meditate, Jesus is giving us an invitation to go beyond our life of human weakness, pride and death and rise to a new life in the mystery of God.  In this journey into the divine, we realize that the divine is love and this love casts out fear from our life. In this journey in the human condition and on earth, ‘Someone’ loves us, watches over us and calls to a loving relationship. This call to love and union with Jesus casts out fear from us – we are no longer dominated by our weaknesses and our fear of the death of our body. It puts everything in perspective – our life and death are absorbed in our experience of God and in the confidence of the Lord’s love for us. In our meditation and repetition of the mantra, we are focusing on the divine’s presence within us and in our hearts. The daily fidelity to meditation and saying of the mantra helps us better understand own  life, death and resurrection and aids us focus on the important goal,  that is, to put our life totally in the Lord and the new way he offers us to see ourselves in the world and our earthly existence.

 

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New Year 2013

CALM DAY

Calm day, I needed a break –

went to the seashore. Lovely

blue sky – no one around –

I had the seashore to myself –

deep silence – could hear

roaring waves in the distance . 

I could not have asked for a

better day.

Feed some gulls with left over food –

they were grateful.

I need a break – inside I am

bleeding. Police crack heads again

of peaceful demonstrators at Zuccotti Park.

Iran gave up its nuclear weapons program in

2003

yet we still taunt it – bully it –

threats of war.

Massacre of civilians in Afghanistan –

War making provokes such hatred.

All of this turns inside of me –

I carry a load – internal bleeding.

Despite the sunshine, I sit in darkness –

sitting in two worlds.

But quiet of the sea – silence –

give me hope – language of God

is silence – divine speaks in silence.

So let me pray – I will ask Jesus

to carry again cross of the world.

It is too much for me.  He will do it

as he did it before.

He is the hope – king.

He takes my desperation – turns it into confidence.

St. Paul said: “For those with faith,

All things turn out well.”

Robert Trabold

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NEW YEAR 2013

Robert Trabold

          As the old year ends and the New Year starts, we take time out to take stock of our life.  Where have gone in 2012? Where do we want to go in 2013? What is essential and important in our life? What is unnecessary, harmful and distracts us from our true path? In our life in the modern industrial world, this can be a challenge.  We tend to be busy with many things and responsibilities for our work, schooling, family, interests, etc. We hardly have time for and to reflect on ourselves.  Also, the modern world and the various mass media bombard us with different values and ways of orientating ourselves. To find our way through this maze is not so easy.  Wherever we turn, someone is pointing us in a different direction. It can be hard to sort it all out and find real maturity and Christian depth.  In our faithful practice of meditation each day, we can discern what is essential to our growth as humans and what is non-essential.  Jesus tells us that the Spirit dwells in our hearts – the Spirit of Love – the source of our life and we need to become aware of its presence.

            Through  the of  practice of meditation, we put ourselves in contact with this life source which then helps us grow and mature in the fullness of being – in the mystery of our time and journey on earth. Jesus calls us to understand the sacredness of our humanity and being and to allow our spirit to have the space to grow in this.  Meditation facilitates our spirit to grow in this space.  Growth and expansion is found in the silence of meditation; through this silence, we touch the infinite silence of God – the eternal silence. Through this practice, we come to see what is necessary for us to grow in this divine space and to see what humility, compassion and understanding are needed.

            The tradition of meditation and our daily practice of it is a commitment to enter into this path and be faithful to it.  It is the time of the day when we make contact with the divine Spirit – Source – and make room for it.  We have to reflect on our schedule and commitments and find out how we can make room to meditate twice a day for twenty minutes each time. We find a corner in the house where we have a small altar, statue, flowers, candles, etc which helps us enter the spirit of concentration and meditation. We have to experiment with our posture to see what helps us enter into the contemplative mood. The position of our hands, body and eyes are important. We can get advice from various meditation movements who offer valuable information to help us develop this discipline of silence.  In our cultivation of this, we touch the ground of our being, our life’s source. Through the time of meditation and repetition of the mantra, we make contact with the Source of Life and build our values and orientation around it.  Human living is a mixed bag and there is always much confusion around us.  But such is our journey on earth.  Over the years, as we are faithful to our discipline of silence and to the practice of meditation, Jesus will lead us to the Spirit of Love who dwells within our hearts and helps us put our lives on a mature and deeply Christian orientation which will last us through the years on earth and into eternal life.

Advent

WALKING IN LIFE

Lovely day, gentle fall weather –

clear blue sky – cool air –

light breeze – bright sunshine

highlight slowly turning leaves.

I feel the calm – soothes me –

clashes with my feelings inside –

worries – cares of life –

I face a pending ambulatory operation –

not too serious – but still surgery.

Financial cares – What to do?

What not to do? Decisions to be

made – I feel them on my shoulders.

Walk in the fall sunshine

helps me – washes me – soothes me.

At times in life, so much falls on me.

It makes it hard to breath.

Sunshine reminds me of something –

do not let life get you down –

Jesus is in charge – I put all

my cares in his hands.

He knows them already.

But I give them to Jesus –

I know he loves me – he never

let me down – will not do

it now either.

Robert Trabold

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ADVENT

Robert Trabold

            When November comes around in our calendar, we notice that the days get shorter and we no have the long ones of summer.  Everything in the garden slows down.  The annuals slowly die in the cool weather and leave their seeds for next year’s growth.  The perennials slowly lose their flowers and leaves and wait for the spring to start again.  The trees lose their leaves and we can see the stars through their bare branches in the night. When we leave our work at 5 PM, it is already dark or getting there and we do not have the nicety of going home in the daylight. We shut down our garden and move away our furniture which will be used again in the springtime. Darkness comes earlier each day and we now spend more time indoors where we have light and heat. 

            The coming of the darkness has also a spiritual significance. Experiencing the darkness awakens in us a desire to have the dawn and light come again. Darkness has a sense of mystery which surrounds us and touches us.  It is symbolic of the mystery of God who is completely other and transcendent and about whom we really can say nothing. Yet the divine is the ground of our being and the source of our life on earth.  It is also present in the universe with its enormity and uncountable stars and planets and which just keeps on growing after the big bang. When we look at the winter sky with its many stars, we feel the mystery of the expansive universe and of our place in such a vastness.  The darkness of the autumn and the coming wintertime is also symbolic of the darkness of our life on earth and in the world. As human beings we yearn for a world of justice and peace, but our daily life tells and shows us that the earth is far from this.  We are constantly plagued by violence, hatred and injustices.  Each day on the television and in the newspapers, we read about endless wars which consume millions of innocent people and of hatred between groups which starts such violence.  It is painful to see our country involved in such wars which never end and whose rational is questionable. We participate in social movements to address these issues and at times, we feel that we are climbing up a never ending mountain of injustices and violence.  Against these realities, it is easy to give up hope and our dream of a better world.

            But the darkness of the autumn and of Advent also awakens in us the hope and desire that someday there will be a light glimmering in this darkness and promises us salvation from the problems surrounding us and our world.  This glimmering light appeared over 2000 years ago in Bethlehem and comes back every year to illuminate our life. At that time, the world was also dark with violence and injustices. People had to come to grips with the darkness in their personal lives and the life of the world. Things were not easy then. In some obscure corner of the world, in a poor small town, a child was born who was to be a sign of a new hope and world.  Men and women no longer have to be trapped in their own sins and selfishness and the violence and injustices of the world.  A savior was born who would show us the way to live in another way and bring justice and peace to a war torn world. There is now a light that shines in the darkness all around us.  This is why Advent time is a time of extra prayer and penance where we try to prepare ourselves for the coming of this light, Jesus Christ.  God has been good to us and has not let us sit in the dark with the intractable problems of our personal life and that of the world.  The light that has appeared shows us a way out and we have to prepare ourselves to receive the savior Jesus and to apply his teachings to our life and to continue our protest movements which confront the evil in the world. This is not easy endeavor but one that is very important and gives us hope for our lives now and in the future.

            The darkness of the autumn and Advent is mysterious and hangs over us each day. But it need not drag us down because we see the light at the end of the tunnel. The light of the Christmas season brings us so much joy and hope for ourselves and our world.

                                  

Healing & Meditation, Brazil

WAITING HALL

Big crowd – all dressed in white –

young people – elderly – children –

parents – people in wheel chairs –

crutches – arms – legs with bandages.

Quiet in the room – people positioning

themselves for the encounter.

Guides lead prayers – encourage people

hoping for a cure.  People from all

over – North America - Europe – Brazil –

all dressed in white – white like

angels – waiting the touch of God.

Such is our life on earth – our

pilgrimage – sunny days – rainy ones –

healthy days – sick ones. Human

bodies are beautiful – rise to many

heights – but falls also – our mortality.

We will not live forever – we came

from dust – will return there.

So we all sit in white in the big hall.

We are waiting to be touched.

Centuries ago,

Jesus touched – healed.  In that

long waiting hall, we all have the same

hope.  Let the heavens open – we are

all dressed in white – waiting.

Let Jesus come back – touch us again.

Robert Trabold

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ON PILGRIMAGE: ABADIÁNIA

HEALING AND MEDITATION

Robert Trabold

           

            For many years, I have been active in the John Main Meditation Movement and the Centering Prayer Movement. I have developed a discipline of silence in my life and meditate twice a day for 20 minutes.  I say the mantra and try to rest in God’s presence.  It is a prayer without words where I touch the presence of the divine at my center and still point. It is also a prayer without petitions because I sit in the naked presence of the Lord knowing that he already knows all my needs.

            Recently, I had a new experience of contemplative prayer in the setting of a healing ministry.  I have a condition in my body that Western doctors cannot heal.  I have heard many people speak of the healer, John of God, in Abadiánia, Brazil and that it is quite an experience to go there.  I also read a book on his work, John of God: The Brazilian Healer by Heather Cumming and Karen Leffler.  I decided to make a pilgrimage and ask John to heal my health condition and attached myself to a group making this trip.

            After long flights from New York to Brazil, I did get to Abadiánia.  It is small town about an hour and a half from the capital of the country, Brasilia, and lies in beautiful mountain country. The place is very rural and one has lovely views over the hilly countryside. The place where John of God works is a small campus with several healing rooms where he is present, many places where one can sit and meditate in quiet.  The lovely views over the hills add to the silence. There is also a book store with religious items and a place where one can buy healing herbs. The whole tone of the pilgrimage is one of silence and prayer and the guides stressed that the healing take place in prayer. On Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, when John of God has his public healing services, the town and hotels fill up with people who want to meet him and participate in these events.  There are not only Brazilians, but many people from North America and Europe. His fame runs far and wide and people come from all over looking for help.

            Although I went with a group and there was much and good communication among us, the whole tone of the week was one of silence and prayer. Even our rooms in the hotel were simple with a bed, place to put your clothes and a bathroom. There was much time to ourselves where we could go to various places set aside for prayer and silence. I was attracted to spend much time in a little space which overlooks the hilly country and mountains in the distance.  It had an air of quiet and this silence settled over me. I was able to sit there for long periods of time repeating the mantra and trying to touch God’s presence. In the back of my mind, there was also the question of healing which myself and the multitude desired. So in one sense, there was silent contemplation but also a prayer of petition concerning our healings. I noticed that this yearning was always present but did not disturb the resting in the silent presence of the divine at my center and still point. This was also prevalent in the public services of healing that John of God held. There were hundreds of people present and all were quiet and in prayer. John of God always says that he does not heal, but God does. It was amazing how the multitude of people understood this and rested in quiet. Even back at the hotel where there was a fair amount of communication among the group especially at meal time, there was a tone of silence and people knew that prayer was the key to our going there. It just happened that I had a room to myself and I could use this privacy to rest and pray. There was no one around to disturb me.  Abadiánia is in a tropical country with much sunshine.  This light added to the contemplative atmosphere and gave a joyful tone to the quiet. The tropical flowers with their many colors were beginning to bloom in the rainy season and added to the prayerful atmosphere.

            This quest for silence and prayer was stressed when we meet with the leader of the group, Heather Cumming, and in conversations among ourselves. Heather tried to explain to us the whole healing dynamic of the place. Also, after each of us participated in the ceremony of spiritual surgery, we were counseled not to speak for 24 hours.  We sat at a special table during meals to ensure this and were silent in our rooms and the places for prayer on the campus. Heather also gave us advice on how to continue this prayerful dynamic back home since healings often take place over a period of time.

            In sum, I can say that this was a contemplative pilgrimage to a sacred place to meet a holy man and I made this trip requesting a healing of our physical and spiritual wounds. The aura of retreat and quiet permeated the whole week and dynamic. It was the same silence and quiet I experience in my daily meditation back home. Here, it was pierced by my making this pilgrimage in a group and being able to share this experience with others having the same goal. We were freed from our daily cares and work of our daily life and had time and encouragement to open ourselves to the divine and communicate this experience with others on the same pilgrimage.  We all had one spiritual goal which united us, that is, prayer and healing.

Presence

ETERNAL SILENCE

I sit in the ocean breeze- gently

cool on a hot summer day.

Sea in the distance – I enjoy

its deep blue. – yellow sand –

green shore grass add to the peace.

I feel a silence – eternal silence –

coming over me – penetrating my center –

still point.  It grasps me –

my breathing adds to the silence.

Silence – I feel is eternal –

comes from eternity.

Like a knock on the door – alerting me -

some one is knocking – divine visitor.

Silence is mysterious – has depth I

cannot fathom – grasp.

I sit in this presence – knowing that

the knock at the door is one of love.

Someone loves me – wants my attention.

So I have to sit in this eternal silence –

leading me – giving me a peace –

fullness that no one can give.

No one else can go so deep – love –

dark – mysterious.

It takes my hand – leading me to a

safe shore – no matter how strong

storm winds blow.

Robert Trabold

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A GENTLE TOUCH:

‘PRESENCE’ IN THE CONTEMPLATIVE PATH

Robert Trabold

I sleep but my soul wakes.

I hear my beloved who knocks at the door.

Song of Songs, 5:3

            At the heart of the contemplative journey is the sense and realization that a presence has entered our life. Without us necessarily looking for it, we are gently touched by someone.  In the midst of our ordinary life and activities, in a peaceful moment of walking in nature or a visit to a quiet chapel or in other moments of pause, we experience that we are in the presence of another. It comes into our life as a robber in the dark of night unannounced and not sought by us.  Someone touches us at our center. As time goes on and we experience this presence more deeply and frequently, we feel that there is a deep sweetness to this advent and a desire on our part to experience it more. This presence revealing itself in my ordinary life is a mystery and has an uncommon element to it.  It appears at the center of my being, closer to myself than perhaps anyone can be or even closer to myself that I am.  On the other hand, despite this immanence, I cannot grasp this presence; there is an aura of mystery to it and it is something ineffable.

           

Contemplatives and mystics through the ages have written about this presence at the human center.  They are overwhelmed by it at the depth to their person and find with time that their whole life revolves around it. John of the Cross states this well in the opening lines of his poem, ‘The Flame of Love’

O living flame of love

That so tenderly wounds

My soul at its deepest center:

 It is a personal reality who is calling the contemplative to friendship.  We realize also that this presence has taken the initiative to reveal itself to us.  We did not look for it but in its own mysterious way, it has made its appearance.  It has touched us in the deepest spiritual sense. In experiencing this presence, mystics are living at the center of all religion, that is, in the mystery of the absolute reality and its being the true root of all human experience.  It is a reality transcendent to us and to the other things in the world but also immanent to us. The question of who God is and who we are become related because this presence is at our center. We cannot answer the question of our identity if we do not take into account this presence at our center and its call to us.

           

If we quietly listen to this call, we see that we are being wooed by the Lord. He is at the center of our person loving us and wanting us to love in return.  As Julian of Norwich so beautifully said, “God loves us and delights to be in our presence, He wants us to love Him and delight to be in His presence, and all is well.” John of the Cross states the same in his poem ‘The Flame of Love’

In my heart where you secretly dwell

With your delightful breath

In glory and good will,

How soothingly do you woo me!

If we reflect on this verse, it stuns us that the divine is wooing us in our contemplation to meet in silence and darkness so that it can entice us to love in return.  The Lord reveals Himself to us and calls us to enter into the rapture of His love. As time goes on, we realize that we are no longer the center of our life with its desires and the importance of our ego; our life now is centered on God and we are subject to Him/Her. We realize that we cannot become our true self and grow into our true depth if we do not give ourselves to this presence. This whole relationship with the presence of God within us is a difficult one because we can never grasp the transcendent.  It is always beyond us. The mystics rightly say that we can know and experience God only in silence and in the night. The center of our life and the question of our identity are related to God whom we can never grasp but whom we can only desire.  As time goes on, the question of desiring the Lord becomes paramount in our lives because that is how we can touch Him.

            The advent of the presence of God in our contemplative path sets up conflicts within us.  First, the Lord calls us to change and struggle against our selfishness and pride things also afflicting all humans.  It is a hard struggle and one lasting all our life. Secondly, as the divine presence grows to dominate more of our life, we lose our taste and liking for many things of life, such as, our work, hobbies, art, etc, and look forward to being in the quiet and silence of this presence. Thirdly, the traditional ways of our praying with many words and thoughts give way to a prayer where we quietly sit in the Lord’s presence with no words. We are just there.  This is a big change and it will time for us to get used to it.  Also, we may lose our liking and interest in the more ritual and ceremonial aspects of religion and find that our religious and prayer life is centered on the quiet experiencing of His presence to us. All the above three changes impact on us and change our life as we grow in our contemplative path.

            In sum, this immediate but obscure experience of God’s presence in our life is the center of contemplative and mystical paths.  This is what we are called to and how the Lord calls and reveals Himself to us. It is something we did not ask for but came into our life.  Many of the mystics refer to metaphor of the spiritual sense of touch to describe this advent in our life. St. John of the Cross in his poem ‘The Flame of Love’ speaks of it as

‘a gentle touch.’ The touch is there and real but it also a mysterious one because God is transcendent and ineffable to us. This touch sets up within us a desire for the divine as we want to enter more into this mystery and presence.  The first two lines of the poem “The Dark Night” of John of the Cross sum up this desire.

On a dark night,

Afflicted and aflame with love.

            As a deer yearns for running water, so my soul thirsts for you, O Lord.

                                                                                                Psalm  42

           

                

           

             

             

           

           



Prayer in the Summertime

SPRING GARDEN

Gentle warm spring air touches me –

brushes quietly my face –

I delight in the scent of fresh cut grass –

perfume smell of the lilacs pervades all –

laughing snow ball bush – throwing

blossoms in all directions.

Happy bird in love calls its mate.

Peace settles over me –

quiet - silent.

Within me, I feel a presence –

mystery –

pervading my whole being.

Voice of God – my Beloved

is silence

so I know who is knocking at the door.

Loveliness of the spring garden

welcomes - ushers in this visit –

let me sit on the garden bench and enjoy it.

But I feel laying on me the injustices - violence of

the world –

my country’s war making –

killing innocent women and children.

Quiet of the garden - gun shots of war

collide –

I feel both within me.

Let me not be discouraged –

I place my hope in my Beloved – the divine.

Life – world - their problems are beyond me.

I rest in the presence of Someone bigger –

He will not forget me and my world –

I leave it in his hands!

Robert Trabold

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PRAYER IN THE SUMMER TIME

Robert Trabold

            For us contemplatives, we try to be faithful to our discipline of silence so that we can encounter God in prayer at our center and still point.  We meditate twice a day each for twenty minutes to have this meeting with the Lord. I live in a house that has a garden and I find that the stillness of the evening garden a wonderful opportunity to have this encounter. But the summer time and the opportunities to be outside offer us other occasions where we can experience the wonder of God in the power and beauty of nature.

            I like the springtime when the first flowers come out of from the winter time particularly the first roses.  Roses love water and the spring rains make them extra big and lush in their colors. Their bigness exudes the loveliness of the spring time. They tend to be smaller in the later summer which is a dryer season. Being so big, their aroma is very strong and one can smell it already at a distance. Portulacas, which are small plants but bloom without end in the high summer time, give me much joy. In their flower boxes, they bloom profusely and exude such joy with their sheer numbers, cheerful colors and fidelity in blooming each day. Also, I am fortunate to live near the ocean seashore and go there regularly to admire the ocean and its changing colors, the yellow sand and the varied vegetation of the shore. These things combine with the vastness of the sky which here on the East coast varies from day to day. Summer time is the time of sharp storms which can also do much damage. I often watch the storm coming with the fierce cloud formation, lightening flashing from left to right, rapid winds picking up and then the heavy downpours of rain which makes one run inside. We experience the power of nature and see how insignificant we are in face of such force. After a while, the storm passes and we are immersed in silence which covers the neighborhood and the gardens. What a difference from a few minutes before when we experienced such downpours, thunder and lightening. We are silent as we stand in front of the power and majesty of nature.

            All of the above can provide us with moments of admiration and prayer.  We are humbled when in the spring and summer, we watch the process of growth start and grow.  It is so vast and complex and returns each year. This provokes within us a sense of gratitude when we see the loveliness of the natural world unfold around us. We have a sense of humility when we see the power and force of the natural world which can have positive and negative effects.  Storms can bring needed water but their force also can cause much damage to the neighborhood and ordinary living. All these reactions can be helpful to us in our prayer life.  As contemplatives, we strive to encounter God in stillness and silence and cultivate a discipline of silence so we can do this each day.  But we can use these other reactions that we have in experiencing the wonder, beauty and power of nature to which we are exposed to in the summer time. They give us other glimpses of the power and wonder of God who is present in the natural world around us. They can bring a richness of feeling which stay with us while we are in silent contemplation. Also, when we are distracted in our meditation, these feelings of wonder can help us to return to the silent presence of the divine.

            As contemplatives, we are committed to encounter the divine in silence at our still point and center. But let us also use other spiritual experiences around us to which we are exposed in the majesty and power of nature in the summer to grow in the rich spiritual life which the Lord calls us to.

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