they mingle, weave the quilt of
my life’s journey.
I listen to the mystery, feel
someone has called my name.
In the many currents, undertows
of my life
I was remembered.
I was not forgotten, someone
walked with me.
I feel, remember how I stumbled
in my years
hard streets with dangerous
I was forced to walk - drive in
But I hear my name, voice calls
from afar, not from this world
but from my center coming from
the mysterious presence
giving my name a deep sound,
from the ordinary.
It now has an echo of depth
meaning, cutting through all the
confusion of life.
Someone calls my name – call of
special because it is from the
I have a Beloved who is totally
When He acts, He breaks all
I enter into a new world.
Darkness, mystery of my life
still lay on me
but I know, I have a Beloved who
calls - remembers me.
CYCLES OF OUR LIFE
As we end an old year and begin
another new one, this can be a time of reflection on our life and that of the
world with all its pluses and minuses. On one level, our life in the world is a
mired of many cycles and events which swirl around us and keep on
changing. We have our private life of
family and friends and our own personal development which can keep on changing
with new people and events. Our children grow up and move away, friends and
family members that we love die and are no longer in our presence. There is the
level of our work in the world where we attempt to live out our vocation and
profession in life and to earn our daily bread. The profession that we have
been trained in may change and we may lose our position there. How then do we
retool ourselves so that we can continue to work and support ourselves? There
is the greater world which can be very complicated and bring many injustices
and violence. We have a political process in which we participate but which
does not always work to our benefit and that of the world. We are disturbed by the never ending violence
and wars which plague our existence. At times, we feel hopeless in trying to
stop and change this. Our life on earth is a cauldron of never ending changes
in which we try to keep our heads above water. This can be a discouraging
process and we have to rely on friends and Jesus to help us on the way.
There is another level of living in
one sense does not change like that of the world but continues on in one
direction. This level is manifest in our
daily fidelity to meditate twice for twenty minutes each time. This meditation
and prayer time puts us in the path to grow in our relationship with God who
becomes the anchor of our existence. Jesus does not come and go as the things
in the world. This orientation of our life to the Lord is not an easy task
because He is mystery and transcendent and there can be much darkness in this
relation. But deep down we feel attracted to the Lord who is present to us at
our center and still point. No one is so close to us as He is. In addition, we
discover in our prayer and faith life that God loves us and offers to us
unconditional love which we cannot find in others on earth. We are born and
thrown into the universe and can be lost in this process. In our faithfulness
to contemplative prayer, we discover that the Jesus is there for us and loves
us and ask us to reciprocate in this friendship.
So as the world swirls around us
with it changes, our prayer life puts us in one straight path which cuts
through all the confusion of life. We are no longer torn between different ways
of living and wondering where it will all end up. We are walking now in a path
of loving God who becomes the center of our life and gives us confidence that
it will all turn out for the best in the long run. This does not mean that
there will be no more suffering and setbacks in our human living. These things
will always be with us as long as we live on earth. But deep down we know that
our heavenly Father loves us and this is what matters in life. This is then the
basis to our fidelity to the contemplative path and daily meditation because
each day it nourishes our attachment to the Divine and the swirls and
disappointments of our human life and those of the world cannot really hurt us.
As we begin the New Year now, let us
renew our fidelity to our meditation schedule. This is our anchor and so not to
be torn by all the different cycles and swirls of our human life and of the
world. These things will be always with us. But our life is on a different
straight path that breaks through all these earthly cycles and puts us in a
deep relationship with the Lord who ultimately leads us to a new world, eternal
life. Someone loves us and will be faithful to us and our good. We put our
faith here; this is our anchor during the years.
In the distance –
pounding sea – waves crashing in – wild
repeating noise – one
right after the other.
Are these sounds of
my life? pounding?
Mystery of pounding
of the sea is the mystery of my life.
So many different
currents – some dangerous
others easy to swim
Utter silence of the
day is utter silence of God
Crashing ocean cannot
take away silence of the Divine.
all – it frames noise - pounding sea
frames currents of my
How does it do
Let me not ask too
Better – let me feel
the Presence in silence
Presence of the
pounding of the sea,
my life pounds in
sometimes painful –
other times with smiles.
Let mystery be dark -
Presence of my
Beloved is there.
He will not leave me
God hovers over all!
BEGINNING – AGAIN
we journey on our contemplative path and prayer, we sometimes get the feeling
that we are making no head way. Obstacles arise and many of these may come from
ourselves discouraging us. We wonder if we have made progress in our
contemplative growth during the years. Lest we get discouraged and give up, let
us remember that we are humans and although Jesus says that we should be
perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect, we will not lose our humanity until
we are in eternal life. Also our prayer
growth is complicated because it is a struggle to focus on the divine presence
at our center each day and God’s graces can also vary. At times we have much
consolation and other times our prayer is like the Sahara
desert. The important thing for us is to shift our attention from our stumbling
and try to focus on Jesus who is our Beloved and he will give us the strength
and perseverance to be like our Father in heaven and to grow in contemplative
in relation to our humanity and how we conduct ourselves in the world with
others, the challenge and struggle to overcome our selfishness and pride is a
thing that we will always have to face on earth. At times, we feel that we have
made much progress in following the example of Jesus and how he related to the
people around him. Suddenly something happens in our life and we see that we
have not grown in love and compassion for others as we thought we did. Our
smallness and missed opportunities to love and help our neighbors stare us in
our face. We believed that we have moved beyond them but they are still part of
our human baggage. The struggle to overcome these faults and be Christ like
will not leave us while we live on earth and it is important for us to always
keep our eyes on Christ who will ultimately get us through life and grow in his
example. Shifting our attention off of ourselves and putting our hope in Jesus
gives us the strength and confidence to begin again and continue on with our
journey despite the many curves in the road. Our strength to grow and preserver
in our contemplative growth comes from Jesus and not from ourselves. This is
not to say that our efforts are of no avail but in the long run, we have to
keep our eyes on Jesus who knows our weaknesses and who is good shepherd always
leading us on with his encouragement and example. Despite it all, he will make
it good for us.
in our contemplative prayer, the inward journey that the mystics talk about is
a complicated one and has us ask questions of where we are going and if we are
making progress in the contemplative path? Needed is a discipline to be
faithful to our two mediation periods daily and try to use the various
techniques such as the mantra to bring ourselves to focus on the divine presence
within us. Despite our good efforts,
many times we cannot control our intellect and mind which wander all over the
place and inhibit our ability to focus on the divine presence within us. Also,
we do not have complete control over our schedule and may have difficulties in
being faithful to our two daily meditation periods. Life brings upheavals and these can preoccupy
us and hinder us from focusing on the divine presence in our prayer. The
mystics alert us that God’s graces can vary. At times, our meditation can be
very warm and it easy to rest in the divine presence; other times, God seems
very distant and absent. Here again, in the ups and downs of our contemplative
prayer, let us to keep our sights on Jesus who calls us to such an intimacy with
Him. If this is true, we cannot give up in face of the difficulties in contemplation’s
discipline and rhythm. We begin over realizing our Beloved is calling us and he
is wooing us to love him. We may not see where the whole road is going but as
John of the Cross mentions, God leaves us in the dark so that we do not believe
that our growth in contemplation is due to our efforts. The divine is leading
us and our growth in the contemplative path is due to God’s strength and
presence within us.
summary, beginning over is part of our growth in the contemplative path and
prayer and it is no easy road. It is a
constant challenge to look at our weaknesses and to have confidence that Jesus
will help us slowly grow in goodness mitigating our pride and selfishness. When
we fall, we need to pick ourselves up again. And in our journey in contemplative
prayer, it requires effort to be faithful to our discipline of growth in
meditation and contemplation. When
things get rough and very dry, let us not forget that our Beloved, Jesus,
present at our center, is wooing us to love him and encourages us to preserver in
this love relationship. For this reason, the challenge is to keep this
relationship fresh and not give up on it.
things get rough for me, I always remember the words of Julian of Norwich: “God
loves us and delights to be in our presence. He calls us to love him and
delight to be in his presence and all is well.”
It is remarkable that Julian said these words in the time of the Black
Plague in Europe and she seemed to have
suffered from this sickness also. But her deep faith and union with Christ
always had her begin over and her words should inspire us to do the same.
I was fortunate this year to make
two long pilgrimages. I made a two week one to Spain and visited Castilla y
León where John of the Cross and Theresa of Avila worked, died and are buried.
I also made another two week one to Québec, Canada and visited the many shrines
in Québec city, Trois Rivières and Montréal. These trips were deep spiritual
experiences for me. I visited shrines dedicated to many saints and the Blessed
Virgin reminding me how God has worked in history to reveal Himself/Herself
through the ages. While at the shrine, I participated in the religious life with
the many other pilgrims showing me how the Lord continues today to reveal
Himself. To make these pilgrimages, I had to make two long trips. I flew to
Madrid from New York City and then by bus travelled to the various shrines. I
drove from New York City to Canada and visited the shrines in three cities.
Those trips were long and I took time out to travel so that I could spend some
time in these holy places. I know that the Lord and the saints appreciated my
effort. Taking these long trips to holy spaces reminded me that they are symbolic
also of my pilgrimage on earth. My life on earth in one sense is a long trip
and I am travelling to my true home which is eternal life. I am a pilgrim
during my many years on earth.
As we end the year 2014, it is good
for us to reflect on our pilgrimage on earth and what it should mean for our
daily life. This stepping back is important because we can become so involved
and busy with our everyday affairs that we forget the ultimate goal of our life
and earthly pilgrimage. This forgetfulness is very common because as humans, we
are busy in our adult life with work, studies, family, and all the
responsibilities we have. They can overwhelm us. Also the world and its many material things
can seduce us. Our life can be
orientated around money, having many nice things, etc. Also we can live with pride
and selfishness and forget that we are just human beings who are finite and
need the assistance of the Lord to direct our life with maturity and Christian
It is a challenge then to keep in
mind the ultimate goal of our life and pilgrimage on earth. One of the things that can help us focus on
the important things is our faithfulness to meditating twice a day in silence,
each time for twenty minutes. When we take time out to meditate daily, we step
back from our many activities and cares and sit in silence in the presence of
the Lord. It is a deep encounter where we feel that God loves us and wants us
to reciprocate with the same. If we are faithful during the years to this
prayer, our life changes and becomes orientated to the way of God. We are no
longer pulled in every direction but focus on Christian living and being a
witness to this in the world. This is a challenge because our life in the world
has its temptations and it is hard to stay focused on the true path.
I am grateful that I made these two
long pilgrimages to Canada and Spain because they are symbolic of my life on
earth. I have to keep focused on the final holy place where I am destined to
go. I am also grateful that the Holy Spirit has led me to the contemplative
prayers movements that have blossomed in Western Christianity in the last fifty
years. Taking time out and being faithful to the two periods of meditation each
day keeps me focused on the true meaning of my pilgrimage on earth. In this
trip, the Lord is calling me and all humans to a life of love with Him and this
should permeate our whole self. This is no easy task and we have to work on it.
With the years, we will grow in our awareness of how Jesus loves us and is
waiting for our response. This growth in
love on our part will be the basis of our life and will not let us feel lost in
our world with its many cares and problems. Things do not go always as we want
them but in all things, Jesus loves us and will care for us. This gives us
confidence in our pilgrimage on earth. There will always be rocky days but we
know that the Lord is with us. As we end the year 2014, it is good for us to
reflect on this which will help us orientate our life in 2015 to the holy
pilgrimage to which we are called.
On occasion, it is worthwhile for us
to sit back and reflect on what is happening in our daily practice of
contemplative prayer. Each day twice a day for twenty minutes, we sit in
silence and repeat our mantra. In this process, it is important to remember
that during these periods, the Holy Spirit enters into our lives and this is an
act of love on the divine’s part. This is vital because unless we are loved, we
really cannot become full human beings. The faithful love of us by the Spirit
is a great gift because in human life, we cannot find such unconditional love.
In human life and despite the promises of the other, human love can come and
go. So the love that the Spirit gives to us is a great gift that should impact
our whole life. We do not have to worry about infidelity on the part of the
Spirit because He/She is always there. This is a wonderful gift to us because
we are humans and our life is subject to the effects of our failings and
selfish. We are plagued with these things until our years on earth are over.
Despite our many imperfections, the Spirit is present to us and loves us and
ultimately transforms us into followers who can love the Lord and our neighbor.
This gradual transformation of
ourselves by the action of the Spirit reminds us of the story in the gospels
where the apostles were very confused by the crucifixion and death of Jesus and
locked themselves into the upper room afraid to go out. The gospel story tells
us that Jesus appeared to them in their midst and breathed on them saying
‘Receive the Holy Spirit.’ At that point, the disciples became new people, not
afraid any more of the police and Roman soldiers but left the room and began to
preach the good news that Jesus has risen from the dead and offers us a new
life in God.
Our daily fidelity to prayer over
time should give us also this transformation. The presence of the Spirit in our
mediation sessions is making us new men and women like what happened to the
disciples in the upper room. The same Spirit is present and within us, loving
us and inviting us to do the same. This is a great gift. No longer do we have to wander on earth
aimlessly but the Spirit is on our side leading us to greater Christian
maturity. There are many ways to live our life, some good, others bad which can
be detrimental to us and our world.
The essence of contemplative prayer
then is this action of the Spirit within us during our meditation. This is the
important part. It is action directly by God. It also puts into perspective our
fidelity to the discipline of meditation. We are called to be faithful to the
two twenty minute periods of prayer daily. This is very important because it
shows our reciprocity to the Divine action. But we have to remember that our fidelity
to meditation is not the primary action but the secondary one. The primary action is the presence of the
Spirit who loves us and breathes new life into us making us new men and women
as what happened to the disciples in the upper room. If we grow in the
realization of this primary action of the Spirit in our prayer, over the years,
we will wonder at this action and be grateful that the Divine has made us the recipients
of this love.
I was fortunate to have the
opportunity to make a pilgrimage to Montréal, Trois Rivières and Québec, Canada and visit the many shrines
that lie in the Saint Lawrence River valley. It was a contemplative pilgrimage
because I went alone for two weeks and had plenty of time for meditation and
silence. There are many shrines in this part of Canada which always have had a
deep spiritual meaning for me. There is the beautiful one of St. Ann de Beaupré
on the outskirts of Québec city. Devotion to St. Ann, the mother of the Virgin
Mary, has a long tradition in Western and Eastern Christianity and the French colonists
brought this to the New World when they arrived many centuries ago. In the city
of Québec, I visited the chapel and tomb of Marie de l’Incarnation who was a
great mystic and lived there in colonial times.
She was recently canonized and her writings testify to the depth of her
contemplative life. People call her the
St. Theresa of Avila of North American. I had also the privilege to go to the
shrine of Our Lady of the Cap in Trois Rivières where there were manifestations
of the Virgin Mary at the end of the 19th century. In Montréal, I
went to the Oratory of St. Joseph and the tomb and chapel of Saint Bother
André. He was a religious brother who lived in the 20th century and
had unusual gifts of counselling people and was a healer of physical
infirmities. Crowds still come to this shrine to be beneficiaries of his help.
In the same city, I also visited the shrines of Padre Pio, the famous stigmatic
who lived in the 20th century and that of Mary, the Queen of Heaven.
In the two weeks of visiting the
shrines, I reflected on their role in a pilgrimage. They are usually connected
to holy places where religious people take time out to make a trip. They are
looking for a renewal of their Christian faith and help in resolving the
problems that beset their everyday life. In visiting these shrines, pilgrims refresh
themselves in experiencing the many ways that God has been at work during the centuries
in the saints to build up the Christian community. In a very existential way, God
has taken the initiative to love these holy people and give them life on earth.
The Lord has loved them before they loved Him. Pilgrims stand in awe and
adoration at this fact. The Divine made a covenant with all people and is
always faithful to it.
shrines remind us that God is still active in our world and community working
to bring people to salvation. In the visit, there are various religious
activities, liturgical ceremonies and opportunities to meet other Christian
people. In these, we feel that God is active now working to make us better
people and Christians. It is part of the renewal of the Christian community.
Thirdly, the shrines have us look
into the future and give us confidence that someday we will arrive at our
heavenly homeland. We are pilgrims on earth and the visit to these gives us
signs of hope of where we are going. Like the pilgrims in the Old Testament,
they sang and were joyful to be in the presence of God in the holy temple. In the same way, in this visit, we pilgrims
await a conversion and renewal of ourselves and our community. In this change
for the better, we have a glimpse of the new heaven and new earth to which we
are called. We look into the future and have confidence in our voyage there.
This earth is not our true home but we are destined for another place.
In reflecting on my two week
pilgrimage of silence and meditation to the various shrines in the province of Québec,
Canada, it was a rich experience of the Christian life. Each had its own
experience, different saint, beauty of the church building and being situated
on the lovely Saint Lawrence River. Two weeks were ample time to immerse myself
in this religious experience. Like all
the pilgrims who have made similar trips through the centuries, hopefully this
visit will renew my Christian life and allow me to be active to build a better
In religious traditions, eternal
life and God are spoken about as the goal of our human life, as going home
after our pilgrimage on earth. It is a place where we will be unconditionally
accepted. Jesus spoke of this when He told his apostles that He is leaving in
order to prepare a place for them in his Father’s house. In the eastern
religions, this desire to go home is expressed in the three steps of our life’s
journey. In the first 25-30 years, we are busy growing up, going to school,
learning our work and profession, etc.
After that from 25 - 55, we are occupied in the world working in our
profession, getting married and having our family and using our talents to
accomplish our responsibilities. After
55 – 60, the eastern religions describe this time as when the leaves fall off
the tree, we are no longer so active in our tasks and obligations. Time opens
up for us and opportunities arise to get closer to the transcendent. These
years of semi-retirement and retirement can be times of growth in contemplative
prayer and God touches people to grow in a deeper relationship with Him/Her. If
we look at the contemporary contemplative prayer movements in our country such
as the John Main Movement and the Centering Prayer Movement, many of the
members have been touched by God to enter this deeper relationship in their
later years, in the third stage of their life. In a very real sense, we are
preparing ourselves to enter into the house of our Father that Jesus said that
He would prepare for us. We are going and coming home.
This desire to go home is also
present within us in our younger years and especially felt in our growth in
contemplative prayer. At the heart of contemplative and mystical prayer is the
entry into silence, darkness and emptiness where we encounter a presence – the
presence of a Beloved one who woos us to love Him/Her. This divine presence at
our center is more intimate to ourselves than we are to ourselves, yet it is
also transcendent and a mystery to us always slipping through our fingers. As
we grow in mystical prayer, this divine presence becomes the rock of and
defines our life. In a very real sense,
this desire on our part to go home, to encounter and receive that unconditional
love begins on earth. This divine presence at our center is our home because we
know that the earth that we live on is not our true one. Our life here is very
fragile. Sudden illness can burst in on us and deprive us of many things,
earthquakes, hurricanes and tsunamis threaten us and human relationships come
and go, wars, etc. The universe we live in, in its human and material
dimension, can be very unfriendly. If we anchor ourselves in contemplative
prayer, however, and hear the call of the divine presence at our center, we
begin to get a taste of the home to which we are called - our Father’s house.
The mystics in their deep
relationship with God which they grew into in contemplative prayer have tasted
this ‘coming home’ for which we yearn. Their relationship with God was central and
defined their life. Despite the
unfriendliness of earthly life which they also experienced, God touched them
giving them a calmness of being home. Theresa of Avila had this sense of coming
home and being at peace in her Father’s house and expressed it beautifully in
her famous poem ‘Only God Matters.’
‘Do not let anything disturb you.
Nothing should bother you.
Everything will pass on.
God does not go away.
It will all work out.
To those who have God
Nothing will be wanting.
Only God matters.’
Theresa of Avila’s poem expresses
the goal of our contemplative prayer and path. As we get closer to God and feel
the divine presence at our center, we will share Theresa’s confidence. We will
have that sense of coming home and experiencing that place of unconditional
love that we desire despite the ups and downs of our life on earth which will
someday end. We will taste that coming home which we will fully possess someday
when we reach eternal life.
Cutting onshore winds
from ocean chill me to the bone
drive me to walk
along harbor’s side.
Winter trees there
and land calm sharp gusts
offer me shelter.
Bright sun – blue
calm water –low tide
invite me to walk
Curving shore line –
brown sand – white bleached sand
sea gulls looking for
food in newly freed earth
rocks – old stone
walls – bricks uncovered in low tide
leafless bushes –
islands in the distance – all populate my walking.
A few humans like me
are daydreaming – taking it all in.
Low tide changed
contours of shore
things once hidden,
Is not journey of my
life like the zigzagging shore line?
So many events –
currents – movements
some painful – others
My life – a big
mystery like rising and falling of the tides
tides open up
surprises – then cover them up.
Silence permeates ebb
and flow of water
shore is silent.
Silence covers it all
– embraces all.
I feel it
silence of my Beloved
– silence of God.
In ebb and flow of
in ebb and flow of my
He stands next to me –
will not let go. I am not alone.
Mystery of my life –
mystery of the sea
mystery of my Beloved
He has a guiding hand
– invisible hand – warm and firm.
Hand of God!
CONFIDENCE IN GOD
In the summertime, we might have
more time to reflect on our life and where it is going. Our schedules may slow
down and we can think of our prayer life of contemplation and where it is
leading us. In our meditation, we have our discipline of prayer and attempt to
touch God’s presence by repeating the mantra and watching our breathing in and
out. Of course, there are always distractions, worries about our life and its
many facets and the constant tumult of the world and its wars. But we put those
thoughts behind us and again return to our mantra and breathing. This constant
putting aside the many distractions, worries and cares that come into our
prayer is a sign that God is more important in our life than the many concerns
we have about the present and the future. For twice a day for twenty minutes
each time, we set our sights on the Lord because He is the primary object of
our life and guides us. We have confidence that the rest of life with its cares
and worries is not important as the Divine.
This putting behind us and away the worries
and concerns of our daily living and those of the world reminds us of the
teaching of Jesus. In the gospel of St. Matthew, the Lord tells us to put aside
our constant worries about having enough to eat and drink and clothes for our
bodies. He mentions that life is more than these material concerns.These worries are basically about survival
and Jesus in his teaching tells us that life is more than survival. Rather we
have to concentrate on the Kingdom of God and its justice and the Lord will
provide for the rest. This is quite a challenge for us because we are immersed
in the world, can be sucked into its dynamic of desire for material things and
security, etc. and be overwhelmed with the injustices and wars around us. It
will take a life time for us to put aside these concerns and fix our sights on
the Kingdom of God and grow in such confidence that Jesus proposes to us.
Our contemplative prayer where we
put aside these concerns of our material life and the world requires a trust.
We have to grow in the belief that God is there for us and will never let us
out of his sight. In the gospel, Jesus tells us to look how his Father takes
care of the lilies of the fields, the grass and birds.If this is so, He will extend to us the same
care. Jesus exhorts us not to worry about tomorrow since it will take care of
itself. This is one of the challenges that we face over the years; we are to be
faithful to our daily meditation where the focus is on the Lord. Our
relationship with Him will grow. Our love will deepen and so to the confidence
of His care which Jesus promises us. This is an important horizon of our life
and if we are persistent in growing in this, a peace will come within us. We
will not be torn in every direction but keep our sights on Jesus and His
promise who then will guide the boat of our life to a safe landing.