DRYNESS
Somber mood – happy sunshine slips behind
encroaching clouds –
rain tonight!
Spring’s colors of the seashore become dull –
lose their life.
Off-shore breeze – cool – sharp –
after –
reminder – ocean water still cold.
Cloudy seashore echoes my mood – feelings –
dryness hangs over me.
I whisper: “For you alone, my soul waits in silence” –
over and over – words – crisp – dry
fall into pieces.
Words touch an abyss – I cannot enter –
abyss covers me – at my center – still point.
Longing – desires well up in me -
cry out in darkness.
Where is my Beloved? –
hidden in this darkness.
Strange – darkness is sweet –
despite it all – I touch someone –
I sense presence –
presence – so deep – far away –
presence that grasps me – loves me.
So I sit in darkness – life – mystery –
God – a mystery –
deep within me – darkness is sweet.
Robert Trabold
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TWO SILENCES OF GOD
Robert Trabold
John Main, the founder of the John Main Meditation Movement, states that in our contemplative prayer and voyage, we will encounter two types of silences coming from God. The first is the silence we have when we experience the sweet presence of the divine at our center and still point and rest in that infinite presence. The second form of silence is one of absence, that is, we feel ourselves in a void and no longer experience this divine presence within us. In our inward journey in contemplation, Main mentions that it is important that we understand these two very different prayer experiences.
In the first experience, we feel the infinite and sweet presence of God within us and it is an important one and comes with our growth in the discipline of silence. We learn to calm down, control our wandering mind, pay attention to our posture, create a space in our house where we can be quiet and meditate, use the mantra which helps us focus on the divine at our center and still point, etc. With this discipline, we are disposed to feel God’s presence within us and see how the divine loves us and wants us to reciprocate. This sense of intimacy and quiet can also come to us when we are in the presence of nature, like the seashore, the mountains, our flower garden, etc. The beauty and stillness of nature touches us and triggers off an experience of the infinite silence of God within us. Particular times of the year and holidays can also have a similar effect on us. These positive experiences of God’s silence are periods of consolation and encourage us on in our inward journey.
The other silence we experience is one of absence and void. That sweet experience that we had of God’s presence disappears and we feel emptiness within us. There is dryness and we can be very distracted in our contemplation. It is at this point that we should try to understand what is going on. In one sense, there will always be a void and emptiness in our experience of the presence of the divine because it is transcendent and we will never grasp it. God will always slip through our fingers like sand on the seashore. On the other hand, there is also another dimension to this feeling of void. The divine sends these periods of absence and dryness in order to purify us. The challenge of our contemplative path is to love the Lord selflessly as he loves to us. He wants to teach us to grow in a deep love of him, be faithful in that devotion and attachment to him. We are called to love God for Himself/Herself and not for the sweetness we experience in a close presence.
These are two experiences we have to understand in our contemplative prayer. Any journey in life has its difficulties and challenges and we have to adjust to them. In the ups and downs of this trip, with all its feelings and movements, we have to learn to love our divine beloved always stronger. The discipline of the mantra can help us love the divine no matter what happens. We know that God is love and calls us to respond to this call and dwells within us in unimaginable intimacy. We know and have this conviction whether we feel the sweetness of the divine’s presence or its absence. It is a challenge for us to be indifferent to these two experiences of the divine and have both in perspective. They are two sides to our contemplative journey and we have to deal with them. We meditate not because we are happy with the sweet experiences we have of his infinite presence. We are faithful in our prayer because we are growing in a love relationship with the all merciful and loving God who reaches out His/Her hand in friendship and wants our faithful response. Both fill out our relationship with our Beloved. Feeling the sweetness of God’s infinite presence within us fills us with wonder at the divine and the experience of its absence teaches us to be faithful in our quest to respond to this love and friendship for us.
