JOURNEY OF MY LIFE
JOURNEY TO GOD
Robert Trabold
Utter silence –
blinding winter sun
gentle breezes –
hardly noticeable
surprising warmth for
January
silent mystery!
In the distance –
pounding sea – waves crashing in – wild
repeating noise – one
right after the other.
Are these sounds of
my life? pounding?
wildness?
no control?
Mystery of pounding
of the sea is the mystery of my life.
So many different
currents – some dangerous
others easy to swim
in.
Utter silence of the
day is utter silence of God
the Beloved.
Crashing ocean cannot
take away silence of the Divine.
Stillness permeates
all – it frames noise - pounding sea
frames currents of my
life.
How does it do
it? mystery?
Let me not ask too
many questions!
Better – let me feel
the Presence in silence
Presence of the
Beloved.
Like mysterious
pounding of the sea,
my life pounds in
mystery
sometimes painful –
other times with smiles.
Let mystery be dark -
dim
Presence of my
Beloved is there.
He will not leave me
alone.
God hovers over all!
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BEGINNING – AGAIN
Robert Trabold
As
we journey on our contemplative path and prayer, we sometimes get the feeling
that we are making no head way. Obstacles arise and many of these may come from
ourselves discouraging us. We wonder if we have made progress in our
contemplative growth during the years. Lest we get discouraged and give up, let
us remember that we are humans and although Jesus says that we should be
perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect, we will not lose our humanity until
we are in eternal life. Also our prayer
growth is complicated because it is a struggle to focus on the divine presence
at our center each day and God’s graces can also vary. At times we have much
consolation and other times our prayer is like the Sahara
desert. The important thing for us is to shift our attention from our stumbling
and try to focus on Jesus who is our Beloved and he will give us the strength
and perseverance to be like our Father in heaven and to grow in contemplative
prayer.
First,
in relation to our humanity and how we conduct ourselves in the world with
others, the challenge and struggle to overcome our selfishness and pride is a
thing that we will always have to face on earth. At times, we feel that we have
made much progress in following the example of Jesus and how he related to the
people around him. Suddenly something happens in our life and we see that we
have not grown in love and compassion for others as we thought we did. Our
smallness and missed opportunities to love and help our neighbors stare us in
our face. We believed that we have moved beyond them but they are still part of
our human baggage. The struggle to overcome these faults and be Christ like
will not leave us while we live on earth and it is important for us to always
keep our eyes on Christ who will ultimately get us through life and grow in his
example. Shifting our attention off of ourselves and putting our hope in Jesus
gives us the strength and confidence to begin again and continue on with our
journey despite the many curves in the road. Our strength to grow and preserver
in our contemplative growth comes from Jesus and not from ourselves. This is
not to say that our efforts are of no avail but in the long run, we have to
keep our eyes on Jesus who knows our weaknesses and who is good shepherd always
leading us on with his encouragement and example. Despite it all, he will make
it good for us.
Second,
in our contemplative prayer, the inward journey that the mystics talk about is
a complicated one and has us ask questions of where we are going and if we are
making progress in the contemplative path? Needed is a discipline to be
faithful to our two mediation periods daily and try to use the various
techniques such as the mantra to bring ourselves to focus on the divine presence
within us. Despite our good efforts,
many times we cannot control our intellect and mind which wander all over the
place and inhibit our ability to focus on the divine presence within us. Also,
we do not have complete control over our schedule and may have difficulties in
being faithful to our two daily meditation periods. Life brings upheavals and these can preoccupy
us and hinder us from focusing on the divine presence in our prayer. The
mystics alert us that God’s graces can vary. At times, our meditation can be
very warm and it easy to rest in the divine presence; other times, God seems
very distant and absent. Here again, in the ups and downs of our contemplative
prayer, let us to keep our sights on Jesus who calls us to such an intimacy with
Him. If this is true, we cannot give up in face of the difficulties in contemplation’s
discipline and rhythm. We begin over realizing our Beloved is calling us and he
is wooing us to love him. We may not see where the whole road is going but as
John of the Cross mentions, God leaves us in the dark so that we do not believe
that our growth in contemplation is due to our efforts. The divine is leading
us and our growth in the contemplative path is due to God’s strength and
presence within us.
In
summary, beginning over is part of our growth in the contemplative path and
prayer and it is no easy road. It is a
constant challenge to look at our weaknesses and to have confidence that Jesus
will help us slowly grow in goodness mitigating our pride and selfishness. When
we fall, we need to pick ourselves up again. And in our journey in contemplative
prayer, it requires effort to be faithful to our discipline of growth in
meditation and contemplation. When
things get rough and very dry, let us not forget that our Beloved, Jesus,
present at our center, is wooing us to love him and encourages us to preserver in
this love relationship. For this reason, the challenge is to keep this
relationship fresh and not give up on it.
When
things get rough for me, I always remember the words of Julian of Norwich: “God
loves us and delights to be in our presence. He calls us to love him and
delight to be in his presence and all is well.”
It is remarkable that Julian said these words in the time of the Black
Plague in Europe and she seemed to have
suffered from this sickness also. But her deep faith and union with Christ
always had her begin over and her words should inspire us to do the same.
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